WWE Buys Disney

In one of the most shocking acquisitions in entertainment history, World Wrestling Entertainment has purchased The Walt Disney Company. In a special press conference that was aired via simulcast on the WWE Network and ABC, Vince McMahon spoke at length about the deal:

“As you know, I have acquired The Walt Disney Company. That’s right, I bought my competition. That’s not exactly final…well, it is and it isn’t…the fact is, Disney was practically begging me to buy their company and I have agreed. There’s just one small caveat that they’re hearing for the very first time today. Disney has signed the contract, and I will also sign the contract…but I will sign the contract this Sunday at WrestleMania, and I will sign the contract when Bob Iger walks down the aisle at WrestleMania and delivers the contract to me personally!”

Vince continued to ramble on about how he was able to purchase his competition, in a speech that sounded strangely familiar, even going into detail on what he could do with Disney:

“I could watch video of Mickey Mouse doing that ridiculous schtick”

Vince’s rambling was soon interrupted by the ominous music of his son, Shane…but with “Here Comes The Money” blaring throughout the conference room, we soon realize it is not Shane O Mac stepping to the podium…but his eldest son, Declan. With a look of shock and horror on the face of Vince, he watches his grandson take to the podium.

“Hello, Pa-Pa. You’re absolutely right…the deal has been signed, and the name on the contract does read McMahon…but it is Declan James McMahon. I own The Walt Disney Company, and at WrestleMania your worries have only just begun when we launch the Disney Wrestling Federation!”

This is arguably the biggest news in wrestling since WWE’s purchase of CHIKARA and EVOLVE.